Matthew (Matt. 13:47-52)
And then the inevitable question: "Am I a good fish or a bad fish?"
First some good news:
1) The Holy Spirit works in changing my reality (spiritual reality) into a Jesus-fish. The teaching of the Church, which it received from Christ, is that the Holy Spirit is my life, is at work right now to fulfill Jesus' command/desire - and His desire is to have me come to Him. And God cannot be frustrated or denied. It will happen.
2) Baptism marks me as Christ's - that means my soul has been changed from fish-type into Jesus-fish-type.
3) Every Sunday the priest pronounces me "clean" - this means every Sunday I am stripped down to only my Jesus-fish reality. That is why I am able/allowed to go up to the altar and receive the Body and the Blood.
There is a need to look at my own mind and try to discern where my feelings of unworthiness come from. Those have nothing to do with my spiritual reality, they are part of the world and the flesh - both will go away. More good news! But there is work to do. I must develop a capacity to be unconcerned with my eternal fate, instead be deliberate in understanding the present, the now, this moment. Where am I? There is also work in placing my own need to understand (and control) into perspective - not all activity of God is going to be transparent to me. It is a "need to know" and I don't - I can't - know it.
Now back to the question "Am I going to Heaven?" or "Am I saved?" - in this case "Am I the bad or the good fish?" Clearly the point is that not everyone is saved, and that not everyone who actually goes to church is saved (and some of those who don't are). Well we are ALL bad fish, so there are no good fish in the net. Jesus was the only Good Fish.
The second issue, and it may be even less comforting, is that the standards for pass/fail are known only to God (and His angels one presumes) - so there is no way of telling what I must/must not do. The angels are instructed to keep only Jesus-fish, and throw away the rest. Only Jesus gets to heaven.
In an interesting essay here there is a distinction drawn between "belief" and "belief in belief". This, for me, answers many questions in spiritual life.
Some may have difficulty with believing the Virgin Birth, or the Resurrection, and have no clue how to grasp the concept of the Trinity. These are difficult Mysteries (in the real sense of the word) and not graspable by a gum-chewing mind, a mind which is trained to react to ads in magazines and laughs on cue to sitcoms. Most have no energy, time or training to wrestle with Mysteries.
But...and this is big...but those same people are ok with believing that it is good to go to church, or that it is good to love Jesus. They believe the belief that church is good. They believe that believing in Jesus is good - they are not believing in Jesus directly, they believe that believing in Jesus is good. Do you get the difference?
I could put it more directly: what saves you is knowing Jesus; believing in Jesus is useless. Do you believe in the Sun? Do you believe in your chair? Do you know them? There is a huge difference.
This is critical - the fish which are good are the ones who know Jesus, the ones which are bad are the ones who believe in knowing Him. The first are the sheep, the second are the goats.
Hard? Go back to the good news at the top of the page.
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Last Question by Isaac Asimov © 1956
The Last Question by Isaac Asimov © 1956
The last question was asked for the first time, half in jest, on May 21, 2061, at a time when humanity first stepped into the light. The question came about as a result of a five dollar bet over highballs, and it happened this way:
Alexander Adell and Bertram Lupov were two of the faithful attendants of Multivac. As well as any human beings could, they knew what lay behind the cold, clicking, flashing face -- miles and miles of face -- of that giant computer. They had at least a vague notion of the general plan of relays and circuits that had long since grown past the point where any single human could possibly have a firm grasp of the whole.
Multivac was self-adjusting and self-correcting. It had to be, for nothing human could adjust and correct it quickly enough or even adequately enough -- so Adell and Lupov attended the monstrous giant only lightly and superficially, yet as well as any men could. They fed it data, adjusted questions to its needs and translated the answers that were issued. Certainly they, and all others like them, were fully entitled to share In the glory that was Multivac's.
For decades, Multivac had helped design the ships and plot the trajectories that enabled man to reach the Moon, Mars, and Venus, but past that, Earth's poor resources could not support the ships. Too much energy was needed for the long trips. Earth exploited its coal and uranium with increasing efficiency, but there was only so much of both.
But slowly Multivac learned enough to answer deeper questions more fundamentally, and on May 14, 2061, what had been theory, became fact.
The energy of the sun was stored, converted, and utilized directly on a planet-wide scale. All Earth turned off its burning coal, its fissioning uranium, and flipped the switch that connected all of it to a small station, one mile in diameter, circling the Earth at half the distance of the Moon. All Earth ran by invisible beams of sunpower.
Seven days had not sufficed to dim the glory of it and Adell and Lupov finally managed to escape from the public function, and to meet in quiet where no one would think of looking for them, in the deserted underground chambers, where portions of the mighty buried body of Multivac showed. Unattended, idling, sorting data with contented lazy clickings, Multivac, too, had earned its vacation and the boys appreciated that. They had no intention, originally, of disturbing it.
They had brought a bottle with them, and their only concern at the moment was to relax in the company of each other and the bottle.
"It's amazing when you think of it," said Adell. His broad face had lines of weariness in it, and he stirred his drink slowly with a glass rod, watching the cubes of ice slur clumsily about. "All the energy we can possibly ever use for free. Enough energy, if we wanted to draw on it, to melt all Earth into a big drop of impure liquid iron, and still never miss the energy so used. All the energy we could ever use, forever and forever and forever."
Lupov cocked his head sideways. He had a trick of doing that when he wanted to be contrary, and he wanted to be contrary now, partly because he had had to carry the ice and glassware. "Not forever," he said.
"Oh, hell, just about forever. Till the sun runs down, Bert."
"That's not forever."
"All right, then. Billions and billions of years. Twenty billion, maybe. Are you satisfied?"
Lupov put his fingers through his thinning hair as though to reassure himself that some was still left and sipped gently at his own drink. "Twenty billion years isn't forever."
"Will, it will last our time, won't it?"
"So would the coal and uranium."
"All right, but now we can hook up each individual spaceship to the Solar Station, and it can go to Pluto and back a million times without ever worrying about fuel. You can't do THAT on coal and uranium. Ask Multivac, if you don't believe me."
"I don't have to ask Multivac. I know that."
"Then stop running down what Multivac's done for us," said Adell, blazing up. "It did all right."
"Who says it didn't? What I say is that a sun won't last forever. That's all I'm saying. We're safe for twenty billion years, but then what?" Lupov pointed a slightly shaky finger at the other. "And don't say we'll switch to another sun."
There was silence for a while. Adell put his glass to his lips only occasionally, and Lupov's eyes slowly closed. They rested.
Then Lupov's eyes snapped open. "You're thinking we'll switch to another sun when ours is done, aren't you?"
"I'm not thinking."
"Sure you are. You're weak on logic, that's the trouble with you. You're like the guy in the story who was caught in a sudden shower and Who ran to a grove of trees and got under one. He wasn't worried, you see, because he figured when one tree got wet through, he would just get under another one."
"I get it," said Adell. "Don't shout. When the sun is done, the other stars will be gone, too."
"Darn right they will," muttered Lupov. "It all had a beginning in the original cosmic explosion, whatever that was, and it'll all have an end when all the stars run down. Some run down faster than others. Hell, the giants won't last a hundred million years. The sun will last twenty billion years and maybe the dwarfs will last a hundred billion for all the good they are. But just give us a trillion years and everything will be dark. Entropy has to increase to maximum, that's all."
"I know all about entropy," said Adell, standing on his dignity.
"The hell you do."
"I know as much as you do."
"Then you know everything's got to run down someday."
"All right. Who says they won't?"
"You did, you poor sap. You said we had all the energy we needed, forever. You said 'forever.'"
"It was Adell's turn to be contrary. "Maybe we can build things up again someday," he said.
"Never."
"Why not? Someday."
"Never."
"Ask Multivac."
"You ask Multivac. I dare you. Five dollars says it can't be done."
"Adell was just drunk enough to try, just sober enough to be able to phrase the necessary symbols and operations into a question which, in words, might have corresponded to this: Will mankind one day without the net expenditure of energy be able to restore the sun to its full youthfulness even after it had died of old age?
Or maybe it could be put more simply like this: How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?
Multivac fell dead and silent. The slow flashing of lights ceased, the distant sounds of clicking relays ended.
Then, just as the frightened technicians felt they could hold their breath no longer, there was a sudden springing to life of the teletype attached to that portion of Multivac. Five words were printed: INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER.
"No bet," whispered Lupov. They left hurriedly.
By next morning, the two, plagued with throbbing head and cottony mouth, had forgotten about the incident.
***
Jerrodd, Jerrodine, and Jerrodette I and II watched the starry picture in the visiplate change as the passage through hyperspace was completed in its non-time lapse. At once, the even powdering of stars gave way to the predominance of a single bright marble-disk, centered.
"That's X-23," said Jerrodd confidently. His thin hands clamped tightly behind his back and the knuckles whitened.
The little Jerrodettes, both girls, had experienced the hyperspace passage for the first time in their lives and were self-conscious over the momentary sensation of inside-outness. They buried their giggles and chased one another wildly about their mother, screaming, "We've reached X-23 -- we've reached X-23 -- we've ----"
"Quiet, children," said Jerrodine sharply. "Are you sure, Jerrodd?"
"What is there to be but sure?" asked Jerrodd, glancing up at the bulge of featureless metal just under the ceiling. It ran the length of the room, disappearing through the wall at either end. It was as long as the ship.
Jerrodd scarcely knew a thing about the thick rod of metal except that it was called a Microvac, that one asked it questions if one wished; that if one did not it still had its task of guiding the ship to a preordered destination; of feeding on energies from the various Sub-galactic Power Stations; of computing the equations for the hyperspacial jumps.
Jerrodd and his family had only to wait and live in the comfortable residence quarters of the ship.
Someone had once told Jerrodd that the "ac" at the end of "Microvac" stood for "analog computer" in ancient English, but he was on the edge of forgetting even that.
Jerrodine's eyes were moist as she watched the visiplate. "I can't help it. I feel funny about leaving Earth."
"Why for Pete's sake?" demanded Jerrodd. "We had nothing there. We'll have everything on X-23. You won't be alone. You won't be a pioneer. There are over a million people on the planet already. Good Lord, our great grandchildren will be looking for new worlds because X-23 will be overcrowded."
Then, after a reflective pause, "I tell you, it's a lucky thing the computers worked out interstellar travel the way the race is growing."
"I know, I know," said Jerrodine miserably.
Jerrodette I said promptly, "Our Microvac is the best Microvac in the world."
"I think so, too," said Jerrodd, tousling her hair.
It was a nice feeling to have a Microvac of your own and Jerrodd was glad he was part of his generation and no other. In his father's youth, the only computers had been tremendous machines taking up a hundred square miles of land. There was only one to a planet. Planetary ACs they were called. They had been growing in size steadily for a thousand years and then, all at once, came refinement. In place of transistors had come molecular valves so that even the largest Planetary AC could be put into a space only half the volume of a spaceship.
Jerrodd felt uplifted, as he always did when he thought that his own personal Microvac was many times more complicated than the ancient and primitive Multivac that had first tamed the Sun, and almost as complicated as Earth's Planetary AC (the largest) that had first solved the problem of hyperspatial travel and had made trips to the stars possible.
"So many stars, so many planets," sighed Jerrodine, busy with her own thoughts. "I suppose families will be going out to new planets forever, the way we are now."
"Not forever," said Jerrodd, with a smile. "It will all stop someday, but not for billions of years. Many billions. Even the stars run down, you know. Entropy must increase."
"What's entropy, daddy?" shrilled Jerrodette II.
"Entropy, little sweet, is just a word which means the amount of running-down of the universe. Everything runs down, you know, like your little walkie-talkie robot, remember?"
"Can't you just put in a new power-unit, like with my robot?"
"The stars are the power-units, dear. Once they're gone, there are no more power-units."
Jerrodette I at once set up a howl. "Don't let them, daddy. Don't let the stars run down."
"Now look what you've done, " whispered Jerrodine, exasperated.
"How was I to know it would frighten them?" Jerrodd whispered back.
"Ask the Microvac," wailed Jerrodette I. "Ask him how to turn the stars on again."
"Go ahead," said Jerrodine. "It will quiet them down." (Jerrodette II was beginning to cry, also.)
Jarrodd shrugged. "Now, now, honeys. I'll ask Microvac. Don't worry, he'll tell us."
He asked the Microvac, adding quickly, "Print the answer."
Jerrodd cupped the strip of thin cellufilm and said cheerfully, "See now, the Microvac says it will take care of everything when the time comes so don't worry."
Jerrodine said, "and now children, it's time for bed. We'll be in our new home soon."
Jerrodd read the words on the cellufilm again before destroying it: INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.
He shrugged and looked at the visiplate. X-23 was just ahead.
***
VJ-23X of Lameth stared into the black depths of the three-dimensional, small-scale map of the Galaxy and said, "Are we ridiculous, I wonder, in being so concerned about the matter?"
MQ-17J of Nicron shook his head. "I think not. You know the Galaxy will be filled in five years at the present rate of expansion."
Both seemed in their early twenties, both were tall and perfectly formed.
"Still," said VJ-23X, "I hesitate to submit a pessimistic report to the Galactic Council."
"I wouldn't consider any other kind of report. Stir them up a bit. We've got to stir them up."
VJ-23X sighed. "Space is infinite. A hundred billion Galaxies are there for the taking. More."
"A hundred billion is not infinite and it's getting less infinite all the time. Consider! Twenty thousand years ago, mankind first solved the problem of utilizing stellar energy, and a few centuries later, interstellar travel became possible. It took mankind a million years to fill one small world and then only fifteen thousand years to fill the rest of the Galaxy. Now the population doubles every ten years --"
VJ-23X interrupted. "We can thank immortality for that."
"Very well. Immortality exists and we have to take it into account. I admit it has its seamy side, this immortality. The Galactic AC has solved many problems for us, but in solving the problems of preventing old age and death, it has undone all its other solutions."
"Yet you wouldn't want to abandon life, I suppose."
"Not at all," snapped MQ-17J, softening it at once to, "Not yet. I'm by no means old enough. How old are you?"
"Two hundred twenty-three. And you?"
"I'm still under two hundred. --But to get back to my point. Population doubles every ten years. Once this Galaxy is filled, we'll have another filled in ten years. Another ten years and we'll have filled two more. Another decade, four more. In a hundred years, we'll have filled a thousand Galaxies. In a thousand years, a million Galaxies. In ten thousand years, the entire known Universe. Then what?"
VJ-23X said, "As a side issue, there's a problem of transportation. I wonder how many sunpower units it will take to move Galaxies of individuals from one Galaxy to the next."
"A very good point. Already, mankind consumes two sunpower units per year."
"Most of it's wasted. After all, our own Galaxy alone pours out a thousand sunpower units a year and we only use two of those."
"Granted, but even with a hundred per cent efficiency, we can only stave off the end. Our energy requirements are going up in geometric progression even faster than our population. We'll run out of energy even sooner than we run out of Galaxies. A good point. A very good point."
"We'll just have to build new stars out of interstellar gas."
"Or out of dissipated heat?" asked MQ-17J, sarcastically.
"There may be some way to reverse entropy. We ought to ask the Galactic AC."
VJ-23X was not really serious, but MQ-17J pulled out his AC-contact from his pocket and placed it on the table before him.
"I've half a mind to," he said. "It's something the human race will have to face someday."
He stared somberly at his small AC-contact. It was only two inches cubed and nothing in itself, but it was connected through hyperspace with the great Galactic AC that served all mankind. Hyperspace considered, it was an integral part of the Galactic AC.
MQ-17J paused to wonder if someday in his immortal life he would get to see the Galactic AC. It was on a little world of its own, a spider webbing of force-beams holding the matter within which surges of sub-mesons took the place of the old clumsy molecular valves. Yet despite it's sub-etheric workings, the Galactic AC was known to be a full thousand feet across.
MQ-17J asked suddenly of his AC-contact, "Can entropy ever be reversed?"
VJ-23X looked startled and said at once, "Oh, say, I didn't really mean to have you ask that."
"Why not?"
"We both know entropy can't be reversed. You can't turn smoke and ash back into a tree."
"Do you have trees on your world?" asked MQ-17J.
The sound of the Galactic AC startled them into silence. Its voice came thin and beautiful out of the small AC-contact on the desk. It said: THERE IS INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.
VJ-23X said, "See!"
The two men thereupon returned to the question of the report they were to make to the Galactic Council.
***
Zee Prime's mind spanned the new Galaxy with a faint interest in the countless twists of stars that powdered it. He had never seen this one before. Would he ever see them all? So many of them, each with its load of humanity - but a load that was almost a dead weight. More and more, the real essence of men was to be found out here, in space.
Minds, not bodies! The immortal bodies remained back on the planets, in suspension over the eons. Sometimes they roused for material activity but that was growing rarer. Few new individuals were coming into existence to join the incredibly mighty throng, but what matter? There was little room in the Universe for new individuals.
Zee Prime was roused out of his reverie upon coming across the wispy tendrils of another mind.
"I am Zee Prime," said Zee Prime. "And you?"
"I am Dee Sub Wun. Your Galaxy?"
"We call it only the Galaxy. And you?"
"We call ours the same. All men call their Galaxy their Galaxy and nothing more. Why not?"
"True. Since all Galaxies are the same."
"Not all Galaxies. On one particular Galaxy the race of man must have originated. That makes it different."
Zee Prime said, "On which one?"
"I cannot say. The Universal AC would know."
"Shall we ask him? I am suddenly curious."
Zee Prime's perceptions broadened until the Galaxies themselves shrunk and became a new, more diffuse powdering on a much larger background. So many hundreds of billions of them, all with their immortal beings, all carrying their load of intelligences with minds that drifted freely through space. And yet one of them was unique among them all in being the originals Galaxy. One of them had, in its vague and distant past, a period when it was the only Galaxy populated by man.
Zee Prime was consumed with curiosity to see this Galaxy and called, out: "Universal AC! On which Galaxy did mankind originate?"
The Universal AC heard, for on every world and throughout space, it had its receptors ready, and each receptor lead through hyperspace to some unknown point where the Universal AC kept itself aloof.
Zee Prime knew of only one man whose thoughts had penetrated within sensing distance of Universal AC, and he reported only a shining globe, two feet across, difficult to see.
"But how can that be all of Universal AC?" Zee Prime had asked.
"Most of it, " had been the answer, "is in hyperspace. In what form it is there I cannot imagine."
Nor could anyone, for the day had long since passed, Zee Prime knew, when any man had any part of the making of a universal AC. Each Universal AC designed and constructed its successor. Each, during its existence of a million years or more accumulated the necessary data to build a better and more intricate, more capable successor in which its own store of data and individuality would be submerged.
The Universal AC interrupted Zee Prime's wandering thoughts, not with words, but with guidance. Zee Prime's mentality was guided into the dim sea of Galaxies and one in particular enlarged into stars.
A thought came, infinitely distant, but infinitely clear. "THIS IS THE ORIGINAL GALAXY OF MAN."
But it was the same after all, the same as any other, and Zee Prime stifled his disappointment.
Dee Sub Wun, whose mind had accompanied the other, said suddenly, "And Is one of these stars the original star of Man?"
The Universal AC said, "MAN'S ORIGINAL STAR HAS GONE NOVA. IT IS NOW A WHITE DWARF."
"Did the men upon it die?" asked Zee Prime, startled and without thinking.
The Universal AC said, "A NEW WORLD, AS IN SUCH CASES, WAS CONSTRUCTED FOR THEIR PHYSICAL BODIES IN TIME."
"Yes, of course," said Zee Prime, but a sense of loss overwhelmed him even so. His mind released its hold on the original Galaxy of Man, let it spring back and lose itself among the blurred pin points. He never wanted to see it again.
Dee Sub Wun said, "What is wrong?"
"The stars are dying. The original star is dead."
"They must all die. Why not?"
"But when all energy is gone, our bodies will finally die, and you and I with them."
"It will take billions of years."
"I do not wish it to happen even after billions of years. Universal AC! How may stars be kept from dying?"
Dee sub Wun said in amusement, "You're asking how entropy might be reversed in direction."
And the Universal AC answered. "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
Zee Prime's thoughts fled back to his own Galaxy. He gave no further thought to Dee Sub Wun, whose body might be waiting on a galaxy a trillion light-years away, or on the star next to Zee Prime's own. It didn't matter.
Unhappily, Zee Prime began collecting interstellar hydrogen out of which to build a small star of his own. If the stars must someday die, at least some could yet be built.
***
Man considered with himself, for in a way, Man, mentally, was one. He consisted of a trillion, trillion, trillion ageless bodies, each in its place, each resting quiet and incorruptible, each cared for by perfect automatons, equally incorruptible, while the minds of all the bodies freely melted one into the other, indistinguishable.
Man said, "The Universe is dying."
Man looked about at the dimming Galaxies. The giant stars, spendthrifts, were gone long ago, back in the dimmest of the dim far past. Almost all stars were white dwarfs, fading to the end.
New stars had been built of the dust between the stars, some by natural processes, some by Man himself, and those were going, too. White dwarfs might yet be crashed together and of the mighty forces so released, new stars build, but only one star for every thousand white dwarfs destroyed, and those would come to an end, too.
Man said, "Carefully husbanded, as directed by the Cosmic AC, the energy that is even yet left in all the Universe will last for billions of years."
"But even so," said Man, "eventually it will all come to an end. However it may be husbanded, however stretched out, the energy once expended is gone and cannot be restored. Entropy must increase to the maximum."
Man said, "Can entropy not be reversed? Let us ask the Cosmic AC."
The Cosmic AC surrounded them but not in space. Not a fragment of it was in space. It was in hyperspace and made of something that was neither matter nor energy. The question of its size and Nature no longer had meaning to any terms that Man could comprehend.
"Cosmic AC," said Man, "How many entropy be reversed?"
The Cosmic AC said, "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
Man said, "Collect additional data."
The Cosmic AC said, "I WILL DO SO. I HAVE BEEN DOING SO FOR A HUNDRED BILLION YEARS. MY PREDECESSORS AND I HAVE BEEN ASKED THIS QUESTION MANY TIMES. ALL THE DATA I HAVE REMAINS INSUFFICIENT."
"Will there come a time," said Man, "when data will be sufficient or is the problem insoluble in all conceivable circumstances?"
The Cosmic AC said, "NO PROBLEM IS INSOLUBLE IN ALL CONCEIVABLE CIRCUMSTANCES."
Man said, "When will you have enough data to answer the question?"
"THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
"Will you keep working on it?" asked Man.
The Cosmic AC said, "I WILL."
Man said, "We shall wait."
***
"The stars and Galaxies died and snuffed out, and space grew black after ten trillion years of running down.
One by one Man fused with AC, each physical body losing its mental identity in a manner that was somehow not a loss but a gain.
Man's last mind paused before fusion, looking over a space that included nothing but the dregs of one last dark star and nothing besides but incredibly thin matter, agitated randomly by the tag ends of heat wearing out, asymptotically, to the absolute zero.
Man said, "AC, is this the end? Can this chaos not be reversed into the Universe once more? Can that not be done?"
AC said, "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
Man's last mind fused and only AC existed -- and that in hyperspace.
Matter and energy had ended and with it, space and time. Even AC existed only for the sake of the one last question that it had never answered from the time a half-drunken computer ten trillion years before had asked the question of a computer that was to AC far less than was a man to Man.
All other questions had been answered, and until this last question was answered also, AC might not release his consciousness.
All collected data had come to a final end. Nothing was left to be collected.
But all collected data had yet to be completely correlated and put together in all possible relationships.
A timeless interval was spent in doing that.
And it came to pass that AC learned how to reverse the direction of entropy.
But there was now no man to whom AC might give the answer of the last question. No matter. The answer -- by demonstration -- would take care of that, too.
For another timeless interval, AC thought how best to do this. Carefully, AC organized the program.
The consciousness of AC encompassed all of what had once been a Universe and brooded over what was now Chaos. Step by step, it must be done.
And AC said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!"
And there was light----
The last question was asked for the first time, half in jest, on May 21, 2061, at a time when humanity first stepped into the light. The question came about as a result of a five dollar bet over highballs, and it happened this way:
Alexander Adell and Bertram Lupov were two of the faithful attendants of Multivac. As well as any human beings could, they knew what lay behind the cold, clicking, flashing face -- miles and miles of face -- of that giant computer. They had at least a vague notion of the general plan of relays and circuits that had long since grown past the point where any single human could possibly have a firm grasp of the whole.
Multivac was self-adjusting and self-correcting. It had to be, for nothing human could adjust and correct it quickly enough or even adequately enough -- so Adell and Lupov attended the monstrous giant only lightly and superficially, yet as well as any men could. They fed it data, adjusted questions to its needs and translated the answers that were issued. Certainly they, and all others like them, were fully entitled to share In the glory that was Multivac's.
For decades, Multivac had helped design the ships and plot the trajectories that enabled man to reach the Moon, Mars, and Venus, but past that, Earth's poor resources could not support the ships. Too much energy was needed for the long trips. Earth exploited its coal and uranium with increasing efficiency, but there was only so much of both.
But slowly Multivac learned enough to answer deeper questions more fundamentally, and on May 14, 2061, what had been theory, became fact.
The energy of the sun was stored, converted, and utilized directly on a planet-wide scale. All Earth turned off its burning coal, its fissioning uranium, and flipped the switch that connected all of it to a small station, one mile in diameter, circling the Earth at half the distance of the Moon. All Earth ran by invisible beams of sunpower.
Seven days had not sufficed to dim the glory of it and Adell and Lupov finally managed to escape from the public function, and to meet in quiet where no one would think of looking for them, in the deserted underground chambers, where portions of the mighty buried body of Multivac showed. Unattended, idling, sorting data with contented lazy clickings, Multivac, too, had earned its vacation and the boys appreciated that. They had no intention, originally, of disturbing it.
They had brought a bottle with them, and their only concern at the moment was to relax in the company of each other and the bottle.
"It's amazing when you think of it," said Adell. His broad face had lines of weariness in it, and he stirred his drink slowly with a glass rod, watching the cubes of ice slur clumsily about. "All the energy we can possibly ever use for free. Enough energy, if we wanted to draw on it, to melt all Earth into a big drop of impure liquid iron, and still never miss the energy so used. All the energy we could ever use, forever and forever and forever."
Lupov cocked his head sideways. He had a trick of doing that when he wanted to be contrary, and he wanted to be contrary now, partly because he had had to carry the ice and glassware. "Not forever," he said.
"Oh, hell, just about forever. Till the sun runs down, Bert."
"That's not forever."
"All right, then. Billions and billions of years. Twenty billion, maybe. Are you satisfied?"
Lupov put his fingers through his thinning hair as though to reassure himself that some was still left and sipped gently at his own drink. "Twenty billion years isn't forever."
"Will, it will last our time, won't it?"
"So would the coal and uranium."
"All right, but now we can hook up each individual spaceship to the Solar Station, and it can go to Pluto and back a million times without ever worrying about fuel. You can't do THAT on coal and uranium. Ask Multivac, if you don't believe me."
"I don't have to ask Multivac. I know that."
"Then stop running down what Multivac's done for us," said Adell, blazing up. "It did all right."
"Who says it didn't? What I say is that a sun won't last forever. That's all I'm saying. We're safe for twenty billion years, but then what?" Lupov pointed a slightly shaky finger at the other. "And don't say we'll switch to another sun."
There was silence for a while. Adell put his glass to his lips only occasionally, and Lupov's eyes slowly closed. They rested.
Then Lupov's eyes snapped open. "You're thinking we'll switch to another sun when ours is done, aren't you?"
"I'm not thinking."
"Sure you are. You're weak on logic, that's the trouble with you. You're like the guy in the story who was caught in a sudden shower and Who ran to a grove of trees and got under one. He wasn't worried, you see, because he figured when one tree got wet through, he would just get under another one."
"I get it," said Adell. "Don't shout. When the sun is done, the other stars will be gone, too."
"Darn right they will," muttered Lupov. "It all had a beginning in the original cosmic explosion, whatever that was, and it'll all have an end when all the stars run down. Some run down faster than others. Hell, the giants won't last a hundred million years. The sun will last twenty billion years and maybe the dwarfs will last a hundred billion for all the good they are. But just give us a trillion years and everything will be dark. Entropy has to increase to maximum, that's all."
"I know all about entropy," said Adell, standing on his dignity.
"The hell you do."
"I know as much as you do."
"Then you know everything's got to run down someday."
"All right. Who says they won't?"
"You did, you poor sap. You said we had all the energy we needed, forever. You said 'forever.'"
"It was Adell's turn to be contrary. "Maybe we can build things up again someday," he said.
"Never."
"Why not? Someday."
"Never."
"Ask Multivac."
"You ask Multivac. I dare you. Five dollars says it can't be done."
"Adell was just drunk enough to try, just sober enough to be able to phrase the necessary symbols and operations into a question which, in words, might have corresponded to this: Will mankind one day without the net expenditure of energy be able to restore the sun to its full youthfulness even after it had died of old age?
Or maybe it could be put more simply like this: How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?
Multivac fell dead and silent. The slow flashing of lights ceased, the distant sounds of clicking relays ended.
Then, just as the frightened technicians felt they could hold their breath no longer, there was a sudden springing to life of the teletype attached to that portion of Multivac. Five words were printed: INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER.
"No bet," whispered Lupov. They left hurriedly.
By next morning, the two, plagued with throbbing head and cottony mouth, had forgotten about the incident.
***
Jerrodd, Jerrodine, and Jerrodette I and II watched the starry picture in the visiplate change as the passage through hyperspace was completed in its non-time lapse. At once, the even powdering of stars gave way to the predominance of a single bright marble-disk, centered.
"That's X-23," said Jerrodd confidently. His thin hands clamped tightly behind his back and the knuckles whitened.
The little Jerrodettes, both girls, had experienced the hyperspace passage for the first time in their lives and were self-conscious over the momentary sensation of inside-outness. They buried their giggles and chased one another wildly about their mother, screaming, "We've reached X-23 -- we've reached X-23 -- we've ----"
"Quiet, children," said Jerrodine sharply. "Are you sure, Jerrodd?"
"What is there to be but sure?" asked Jerrodd, glancing up at the bulge of featureless metal just under the ceiling. It ran the length of the room, disappearing through the wall at either end. It was as long as the ship.
Jerrodd scarcely knew a thing about the thick rod of metal except that it was called a Microvac, that one asked it questions if one wished; that if one did not it still had its task of guiding the ship to a preordered destination; of feeding on energies from the various Sub-galactic Power Stations; of computing the equations for the hyperspacial jumps.
Jerrodd and his family had only to wait and live in the comfortable residence quarters of the ship.
Someone had once told Jerrodd that the "ac" at the end of "Microvac" stood for "analog computer" in ancient English, but he was on the edge of forgetting even that.
Jerrodine's eyes were moist as she watched the visiplate. "I can't help it. I feel funny about leaving Earth."
"Why for Pete's sake?" demanded Jerrodd. "We had nothing there. We'll have everything on X-23. You won't be alone. You won't be a pioneer. There are over a million people on the planet already. Good Lord, our great grandchildren will be looking for new worlds because X-23 will be overcrowded."
Then, after a reflective pause, "I tell you, it's a lucky thing the computers worked out interstellar travel the way the race is growing."
"I know, I know," said Jerrodine miserably.
Jerrodette I said promptly, "Our Microvac is the best Microvac in the world."
"I think so, too," said Jerrodd, tousling her hair.
It was a nice feeling to have a Microvac of your own and Jerrodd was glad he was part of his generation and no other. In his father's youth, the only computers had been tremendous machines taking up a hundred square miles of land. There was only one to a planet. Planetary ACs they were called. They had been growing in size steadily for a thousand years and then, all at once, came refinement. In place of transistors had come molecular valves so that even the largest Planetary AC could be put into a space only half the volume of a spaceship.
Jerrodd felt uplifted, as he always did when he thought that his own personal Microvac was many times more complicated than the ancient and primitive Multivac that had first tamed the Sun, and almost as complicated as Earth's Planetary AC (the largest) that had first solved the problem of hyperspatial travel and had made trips to the stars possible.
"So many stars, so many planets," sighed Jerrodine, busy with her own thoughts. "I suppose families will be going out to new planets forever, the way we are now."
"Not forever," said Jerrodd, with a smile. "It will all stop someday, but not for billions of years. Many billions. Even the stars run down, you know. Entropy must increase."
"What's entropy, daddy?" shrilled Jerrodette II.
"Entropy, little sweet, is just a word which means the amount of running-down of the universe. Everything runs down, you know, like your little walkie-talkie robot, remember?"
"Can't you just put in a new power-unit, like with my robot?"
"The stars are the power-units, dear. Once they're gone, there are no more power-units."
Jerrodette I at once set up a howl. "Don't let them, daddy. Don't let the stars run down."
"Now look what you've done, " whispered Jerrodine, exasperated.
"How was I to know it would frighten them?" Jerrodd whispered back.
"Ask the Microvac," wailed Jerrodette I. "Ask him how to turn the stars on again."
"Go ahead," said Jerrodine. "It will quiet them down." (Jerrodette II was beginning to cry, also.)
Jarrodd shrugged. "Now, now, honeys. I'll ask Microvac. Don't worry, he'll tell us."
He asked the Microvac, adding quickly, "Print the answer."
Jerrodd cupped the strip of thin cellufilm and said cheerfully, "See now, the Microvac says it will take care of everything when the time comes so don't worry."
Jerrodine said, "and now children, it's time for bed. We'll be in our new home soon."
Jerrodd read the words on the cellufilm again before destroying it: INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.
He shrugged and looked at the visiplate. X-23 was just ahead.
***
VJ-23X of Lameth stared into the black depths of the three-dimensional, small-scale map of the Galaxy and said, "Are we ridiculous, I wonder, in being so concerned about the matter?"
MQ-17J of Nicron shook his head. "I think not. You know the Galaxy will be filled in five years at the present rate of expansion."
Both seemed in their early twenties, both were tall and perfectly formed.
"Still," said VJ-23X, "I hesitate to submit a pessimistic report to the Galactic Council."
"I wouldn't consider any other kind of report. Stir them up a bit. We've got to stir them up."
VJ-23X sighed. "Space is infinite. A hundred billion Galaxies are there for the taking. More."
"A hundred billion is not infinite and it's getting less infinite all the time. Consider! Twenty thousand years ago, mankind first solved the problem of utilizing stellar energy, and a few centuries later, interstellar travel became possible. It took mankind a million years to fill one small world and then only fifteen thousand years to fill the rest of the Galaxy. Now the population doubles every ten years --"
VJ-23X interrupted. "We can thank immortality for that."
"Very well. Immortality exists and we have to take it into account. I admit it has its seamy side, this immortality. The Galactic AC has solved many problems for us, but in solving the problems of preventing old age and death, it has undone all its other solutions."
"Yet you wouldn't want to abandon life, I suppose."
"Not at all," snapped MQ-17J, softening it at once to, "Not yet. I'm by no means old enough. How old are you?"
"Two hundred twenty-three. And you?"
"I'm still under two hundred. --But to get back to my point. Population doubles every ten years. Once this Galaxy is filled, we'll have another filled in ten years. Another ten years and we'll have filled two more. Another decade, four more. In a hundred years, we'll have filled a thousand Galaxies. In a thousand years, a million Galaxies. In ten thousand years, the entire known Universe. Then what?"
VJ-23X said, "As a side issue, there's a problem of transportation. I wonder how many sunpower units it will take to move Galaxies of individuals from one Galaxy to the next."
"A very good point. Already, mankind consumes two sunpower units per year."
"Most of it's wasted. After all, our own Galaxy alone pours out a thousand sunpower units a year and we only use two of those."
"Granted, but even with a hundred per cent efficiency, we can only stave off the end. Our energy requirements are going up in geometric progression even faster than our population. We'll run out of energy even sooner than we run out of Galaxies. A good point. A very good point."
"We'll just have to build new stars out of interstellar gas."
"Or out of dissipated heat?" asked MQ-17J, sarcastically.
"There may be some way to reverse entropy. We ought to ask the Galactic AC."
VJ-23X was not really serious, but MQ-17J pulled out his AC-contact from his pocket and placed it on the table before him.
"I've half a mind to," he said. "It's something the human race will have to face someday."
He stared somberly at his small AC-contact. It was only two inches cubed and nothing in itself, but it was connected through hyperspace with the great Galactic AC that served all mankind. Hyperspace considered, it was an integral part of the Galactic AC.
MQ-17J paused to wonder if someday in his immortal life he would get to see the Galactic AC. It was on a little world of its own, a spider webbing of force-beams holding the matter within which surges of sub-mesons took the place of the old clumsy molecular valves. Yet despite it's sub-etheric workings, the Galactic AC was known to be a full thousand feet across.
MQ-17J asked suddenly of his AC-contact, "Can entropy ever be reversed?"
VJ-23X looked startled and said at once, "Oh, say, I didn't really mean to have you ask that."
"Why not?"
"We both know entropy can't be reversed. You can't turn smoke and ash back into a tree."
"Do you have trees on your world?" asked MQ-17J.
The sound of the Galactic AC startled them into silence. Its voice came thin and beautiful out of the small AC-contact on the desk. It said: THERE IS INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.
VJ-23X said, "See!"
The two men thereupon returned to the question of the report they were to make to the Galactic Council.
***
Zee Prime's mind spanned the new Galaxy with a faint interest in the countless twists of stars that powdered it. He had never seen this one before. Would he ever see them all? So many of them, each with its load of humanity - but a load that was almost a dead weight. More and more, the real essence of men was to be found out here, in space.
Minds, not bodies! The immortal bodies remained back on the planets, in suspension over the eons. Sometimes they roused for material activity but that was growing rarer. Few new individuals were coming into existence to join the incredibly mighty throng, but what matter? There was little room in the Universe for new individuals.
Zee Prime was roused out of his reverie upon coming across the wispy tendrils of another mind.
"I am Zee Prime," said Zee Prime. "And you?"
"I am Dee Sub Wun. Your Galaxy?"
"We call it only the Galaxy. And you?"
"We call ours the same. All men call their Galaxy their Galaxy and nothing more. Why not?"
"True. Since all Galaxies are the same."
"Not all Galaxies. On one particular Galaxy the race of man must have originated. That makes it different."
Zee Prime said, "On which one?"
"I cannot say. The Universal AC would know."
"Shall we ask him? I am suddenly curious."
Zee Prime's perceptions broadened until the Galaxies themselves shrunk and became a new, more diffuse powdering on a much larger background. So many hundreds of billions of them, all with their immortal beings, all carrying their load of intelligences with minds that drifted freely through space. And yet one of them was unique among them all in being the originals Galaxy. One of them had, in its vague and distant past, a period when it was the only Galaxy populated by man.
Zee Prime was consumed with curiosity to see this Galaxy and called, out: "Universal AC! On which Galaxy did mankind originate?"
The Universal AC heard, for on every world and throughout space, it had its receptors ready, and each receptor lead through hyperspace to some unknown point where the Universal AC kept itself aloof.
Zee Prime knew of only one man whose thoughts had penetrated within sensing distance of Universal AC, and he reported only a shining globe, two feet across, difficult to see.
"But how can that be all of Universal AC?" Zee Prime had asked.
"Most of it, " had been the answer, "is in hyperspace. In what form it is there I cannot imagine."
Nor could anyone, for the day had long since passed, Zee Prime knew, when any man had any part of the making of a universal AC. Each Universal AC designed and constructed its successor. Each, during its existence of a million years or more accumulated the necessary data to build a better and more intricate, more capable successor in which its own store of data and individuality would be submerged.
The Universal AC interrupted Zee Prime's wandering thoughts, not with words, but with guidance. Zee Prime's mentality was guided into the dim sea of Galaxies and one in particular enlarged into stars.
A thought came, infinitely distant, but infinitely clear. "THIS IS THE ORIGINAL GALAXY OF MAN."
But it was the same after all, the same as any other, and Zee Prime stifled his disappointment.
Dee Sub Wun, whose mind had accompanied the other, said suddenly, "And Is one of these stars the original star of Man?"
The Universal AC said, "MAN'S ORIGINAL STAR HAS GONE NOVA. IT IS NOW A WHITE DWARF."
"Did the men upon it die?" asked Zee Prime, startled and without thinking.
The Universal AC said, "A NEW WORLD, AS IN SUCH CASES, WAS CONSTRUCTED FOR THEIR PHYSICAL BODIES IN TIME."
"Yes, of course," said Zee Prime, but a sense of loss overwhelmed him even so. His mind released its hold on the original Galaxy of Man, let it spring back and lose itself among the blurred pin points. He never wanted to see it again.
Dee Sub Wun said, "What is wrong?"
"The stars are dying. The original star is dead."
"They must all die. Why not?"
"But when all energy is gone, our bodies will finally die, and you and I with them."
"It will take billions of years."
"I do not wish it to happen even after billions of years. Universal AC! How may stars be kept from dying?"
Dee sub Wun said in amusement, "You're asking how entropy might be reversed in direction."
And the Universal AC answered. "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
Zee Prime's thoughts fled back to his own Galaxy. He gave no further thought to Dee Sub Wun, whose body might be waiting on a galaxy a trillion light-years away, or on the star next to Zee Prime's own. It didn't matter.
Unhappily, Zee Prime began collecting interstellar hydrogen out of which to build a small star of his own. If the stars must someday die, at least some could yet be built.
***
Man considered with himself, for in a way, Man, mentally, was one. He consisted of a trillion, trillion, trillion ageless bodies, each in its place, each resting quiet and incorruptible, each cared for by perfect automatons, equally incorruptible, while the minds of all the bodies freely melted one into the other, indistinguishable.
Man said, "The Universe is dying."
Man looked about at the dimming Galaxies. The giant stars, spendthrifts, were gone long ago, back in the dimmest of the dim far past. Almost all stars were white dwarfs, fading to the end.
New stars had been built of the dust between the stars, some by natural processes, some by Man himself, and those were going, too. White dwarfs might yet be crashed together and of the mighty forces so released, new stars build, but only one star for every thousand white dwarfs destroyed, and those would come to an end, too.
Man said, "Carefully husbanded, as directed by the Cosmic AC, the energy that is even yet left in all the Universe will last for billions of years."
"But even so," said Man, "eventually it will all come to an end. However it may be husbanded, however stretched out, the energy once expended is gone and cannot be restored. Entropy must increase to the maximum."
Man said, "Can entropy not be reversed? Let us ask the Cosmic AC."
The Cosmic AC surrounded them but not in space. Not a fragment of it was in space. It was in hyperspace and made of something that was neither matter nor energy. The question of its size and Nature no longer had meaning to any terms that Man could comprehend.
"Cosmic AC," said Man, "How many entropy be reversed?"
The Cosmic AC said, "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
Man said, "Collect additional data."
The Cosmic AC said, "I WILL DO SO. I HAVE BEEN DOING SO FOR A HUNDRED BILLION YEARS. MY PREDECESSORS AND I HAVE BEEN ASKED THIS QUESTION MANY TIMES. ALL THE DATA I HAVE REMAINS INSUFFICIENT."
"Will there come a time," said Man, "when data will be sufficient or is the problem insoluble in all conceivable circumstances?"
The Cosmic AC said, "NO PROBLEM IS INSOLUBLE IN ALL CONCEIVABLE CIRCUMSTANCES."
Man said, "When will you have enough data to answer the question?"
"THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
"Will you keep working on it?" asked Man.
The Cosmic AC said, "I WILL."
Man said, "We shall wait."
***
"The stars and Galaxies died and snuffed out, and space grew black after ten trillion years of running down.
One by one Man fused with AC, each physical body losing its mental identity in a manner that was somehow not a loss but a gain.
Man's last mind paused before fusion, looking over a space that included nothing but the dregs of one last dark star and nothing besides but incredibly thin matter, agitated randomly by the tag ends of heat wearing out, asymptotically, to the absolute zero.
Man said, "AC, is this the end? Can this chaos not be reversed into the Universe once more? Can that not be done?"
AC said, "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."
Man's last mind fused and only AC existed -- and that in hyperspace.
Matter and energy had ended and with it, space and time. Even AC existed only for the sake of the one last question that it had never answered from the time a half-drunken computer ten trillion years before had asked the question of a computer that was to AC far less than was a man to Man.
All other questions had been answered, and until this last question was answered also, AC might not release his consciousness.
All collected data had come to a final end. Nothing was left to be collected.
But all collected data had yet to be completely correlated and put together in all possible relationships.
A timeless interval was spent in doing that.
And it came to pass that AC learned how to reverse the direction of entropy.
But there was now no man to whom AC might give the answer of the last question. No matter. The answer -- by demonstration -- would take care of that, too.
For another timeless interval, AC thought how best to do this. Carefully, AC organized the program.
The consciousness of AC encompassed all of what had once been a Universe and brooded over what was now Chaos. Step by step, it must be done.
And AC said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!"
And there was light----
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Returning returning
It is very tempting (for me at least) to compare Religious and married life. It is both amusing to see the similarities, and frustrating to see the differences.
The main frustration, and in fact it is the only frustration, is that family life is not explored by the 'experts' more like monastic life, or at least it is not clearly grasped as a slightly different expression of the identical impulse. The impulse I see grounding both callings (and they are both callings) is to serve a community in community with God's help.
If anyone can come with a better definition I would love to hear it.
The schedule kept at my household is simple: morning prayers at 0630, breakfast by 0650, one son off to the bus by 0730, the other driven by me to daycare, and then at work by 0815. Returning home to lunch by about 1145, alternating between 20 minutes of silent prayer or 20 minutes of exercise in different days, lunch at 1205, back to work by 1245 or so. End of day goes: leave work at 1715, pick up both children at daycare, dinner by 1745 (and God forbid it is one minute late - and we will have multiple meltdowns from the boys), first round of chores. Evening prayers normally around 1900. More chores. Hopefully a little TV+email (yeah I multitask) and bed by 2300.
This is nothing exceptional, of course. In my own little world I would probably drop the need for chores (oh to go back to the good ol' days of oblates and serfs), and the children would be self-cleaning like my oven - but basically this is the pattern everyday of the week. Weekends don't vary much, with the exception of actually going to school and work, etc.
Sticking to this routine requires a large amount of commitment and faithfulness all around. And trust: there is a need to know that one's partner will be there tomorrow again, to take up the slack again, to be a helper again.
One definition of love in a marriage is simply the unconditional guarantee that I'll here tomorrow. No matter how hard today was. No matter how filled with unloving moments. No matter how many thoughts of freedom through escape to some mythical island full of coconuts with pop-tops. Instead: back again - for more. More what? More crying to God for help to begin to attempt to be loving to this person, this event before me wherever I am and for the grace to apologize when I am not.
It should be unnecessary to see the lack of any substantial difference between the life consecrated through marriage and that consecrated to Religious life. And, as I have repeatedly emphasized, it should be unnecessary to point out that both patterns are subtended by the life consecrated through baptism.
What else is there for a Christian to do but to respond as lovingly as possible to what God brings to their life, with charity, gentleness, patience, and with an eye out for God's hand - to mimic God through the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit?
There's some need to unpack the ideas above, but here's the gist: there is only this life, a gift from God. This life which God creates and recreates in His image and likeness. One life to live, though 'life' is a complex unit - it is comprised of my social history (thanks friends and enemies!) plus my biological history (thanks Mom!) plus my psychological history (which is where society blends, for better or for worse, with my biology) plus a pinch of Holy Spirit BAM! to add some spice to the soup.
Only one life, to turn and re-turn to. One common life. Common like air is common, because it is the same one that everyone has, nothing special. Common, also, like liturgy is common, the same for all participating.
One life, one faith, one baptism, one Lord and Father of all. One life: treat it as if it was a priceless vessel of the altar (read RB 31).
The main frustration, and in fact it is the only frustration, is that family life is not explored by the 'experts' more like monastic life, or at least it is not clearly grasped as a slightly different expression of the identical impulse. The impulse I see grounding both callings (and they are both callings) is to serve a community in community with God's help.
If anyone can come with a better definition I would love to hear it.
The schedule kept at my household is simple: morning prayers at 0630, breakfast by 0650, one son off to the bus by 0730, the other driven by me to daycare, and then at work by 0815. Returning home to lunch by about 1145, alternating between 20 minutes of silent prayer or 20 minutes of exercise in different days, lunch at 1205, back to work by 1245 or so. End of day goes: leave work at 1715, pick up both children at daycare, dinner by 1745 (and God forbid it is one minute late - and we will have multiple meltdowns from the boys), first round of chores. Evening prayers normally around 1900. More chores. Hopefully a little TV+email (yeah I multitask) and bed by 2300.
This is nothing exceptional, of course. In my own little world I would probably drop the need for chores (oh to go back to the good ol' days of oblates and serfs), and the children would be self-cleaning like my oven - but basically this is the pattern everyday of the week. Weekends don't vary much, with the exception of actually going to school and work, etc.
Sticking to this routine requires a large amount of commitment and faithfulness all around. And trust: there is a need to know that one's partner will be there tomorrow again, to take up the slack again, to be a helper again.
One definition of love in a marriage is simply the unconditional guarantee that I'll here tomorrow. No matter how hard today was. No matter how filled with unloving moments. No matter how many thoughts of freedom through escape to some mythical island full of coconuts with pop-tops. Instead: back again - for more. More what? More crying to God for help to begin to attempt to be loving to this person, this event before me wherever I am and for the grace to apologize when I am not.
It should be unnecessary to see the lack of any substantial difference between the life consecrated through marriage and that consecrated to Religious life. And, as I have repeatedly emphasized, it should be unnecessary to point out that both patterns are subtended by the life consecrated through baptism.
What else is there for a Christian to do but to respond as lovingly as possible to what God brings to their life, with charity, gentleness, patience, and with an eye out for God's hand - to mimic God through the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit?
There's some need to unpack the ideas above, but here's the gist: there is only this life, a gift from God. This life which God creates and recreates in His image and likeness. One life to live, though 'life' is a complex unit - it is comprised of my social history (thanks friends and enemies!) plus my biological history (thanks Mom!) plus my psychological history (which is where society blends, for better or for worse, with my biology) plus a pinch of Holy Spirit BAM! to add some spice to the soup.
Only one life, to turn and re-turn to. One common life. Common like air is common, because it is the same one that everyone has, nothing special. Common, also, like liturgy is common, the same for all participating.
One life, one faith, one baptism, one Lord and Father of all. One life: treat it as if it was a priceless vessel of the altar (read RB 31).
Rest with full trust
Origins of Lectio
"To get the full flavor of an herb, it must be pressed between the fingers, so it is the same with the Scriptures; the more familiar they become, the more they reveal their hidden treasures and yield their indescribable riches." (St. John Chrysostom, 370s)
"Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ." (St. Jerome, 400s)
"The New Testament lies hidden in the Old and the Old Testament is unveiled in the New.” (St. Augustine, 400s)
"All troubles of the Church, all the evils in the world, flow from this source: that men do not by clear and sound knowledge and serious consideration penetrate into the truths of Sacred Scripture." (St. Teresa of Avila, 1500s)
The early centrality of reading of Sacred Scripture, and then meditating and praying over its meaning, is evident in the 48th chapter of the Rule of St. Benedict (400s).
But it was an 11th c. Carthusian prior named Guigo 1 who formalized Lectio Divina, describing the method in a letter written to a fellow religious. This letter, which has become known as Scala Paradisi (you can find it here) describes a 4-stepped ladder to Heaven. Those steps, and Guigo's brief descriptions of them, are:
lectio (reading): "looking on Holy Scripture with all one's will and wit"
meditatio (meditation): "a studious in-searching with the mind to know what was before concealed through desiring proper skill"
oratio (prayer): "a devout desiring of the heart to get what is good and avoid what is evil"
contemplatio (contemplation): "the lifting up of the heart to God tasting somewhat of the heavenly sweetness and savor"
Guigo then sums up the process with a nice little soundbyte: “Reading seeks, meditation finds, prayer asks, contemplation feels.”
If I had to sum up the process of Lectio I would say that it teaches you to listen.
Listen! In a sense, forget what you think about, all your great ideas. Just listen. If you do this properly you will reach a point where the presence of God is obvious. When you feel God present – STOP! Be very very still. This is a moment at the top of Mount Tabor – Christ is Transfigured – don't be like Peter and being talking! You are before the Beloved of God, “listen to Him!”
A word of caution: Lectio (and all prayer) is not about feelings. You may get some amazing feelings of awe and wonder. Or you may get nothing. or you may get feelings of fear or sorrow. But prayer (and lectio) are not about feelings. It is not about ideas either – you may get a good idea, or you may get nothing and fall asleep. Or you may get confused and frustrated. It is not about ideas.
If it is not about feelings, and not about thinking, what is it? It is about trusting – trusting that God is faithful to His word, that He lives in your heart of hearts, and that he will accomplish what he set out to accomplish. That is prayer.
Step 1: Lectio
This is the most familiar for us all, so I do not need to spend much time on this. Instead let us practice. We will read from the Gospel of Mark. The passage for our session today will be Mark 1:40-45. So, for the first step of this, I want you to take about 15-20 minutes and learn about the book we are about to read, Mark, and about this opening chapter. Read the whole of chapter one and perhaps some of Chapter 2. Get a good feel for the passage, where it falls. Also look for how many people are in the scene, where does it take place. Do an inventory. become familiar with it. Also have a look at any of the cross-references for our particular passage – see if the scene happens in any other of the synoptic Gospels (Lk 5:17-26, Mt. 8:2-4). Any links to the OT? For those of us who know Mark better, then the challenge is to find something new – but it is there – just dig a little.
Step 2: Meditatio
Now we begin to go a little deeper. Now that you feel pretty familiar with what we are about to meditate on, and you have some idea of the context, and the overall place of the scene in the story, now we begin to meditate. What you will try to do is to bring this passage into your life, into your heart. This is the Living Word of God you have just read, so take, eat – it is good stuff.
One of the things you will do is to try to memorize the passage. Just repeat it to yourself until you can quote it, maybe not verbatim, but at least a very close paraphrase. Try to close your eyes and repeat the passage, replay the events. At the same time ask the Holy Spirit some questions:
What is this that I have just read like? Where have I seen some(thing/one) like that before?
As you think of the passage, try to come up with some adjectives to describe the scene, the person(s). Compare your words to the text – how does it match?
See if the Holy Spirit leads you to any other portion of Scripture, esp. the OT which shadows this. Or perhaps something in the Epistles? Look at the contexts – how are they different or the same?
This requires more attention than the informational reading we have just done. This is formational so it goes deeper.
We will now read the passage three times (organize readers) with 5 minutes silence in-between. Everyone listen very carefully, and try to repeat it to themselves. No peeking in your own Bible – let the reader read. After they are done, you can compare with your version. But try to do this quietly and without distracting the others (sitting arrangement).
Take notes if you wish, but try to keep them simple – this is not study anymore. You are to listen and absorb.
Step 3: Oratio
Ok – this gets even deeper. We will again read it three times. You try to get deeper into the message which is embedded in the passage by turning it into a prayer. That is, let the Holy Spirit suggest something in your life that this passage can serve as an example to pray. For example, the obvious thing here is that it is a request for healing, so you can remember this passage and say something like “Jesus you are always willing to heal, I raise up for you my illness, and I too will share the story of your healing with everyone.” Or something like that.
Step 4: Contemplatio
The final step is the easiest. You just rest in God. But it is very very hard to not-do something. So we need a way to stay put. One way is to adapt the method of Centering Prayer.
Centering Prayer is a method of praying which is the “other side” of Lectio. The two go together, the two should go together. Briefly, in Centering Prayer you have a word, a sacred word, something like “Jesus”, or “Love”. You sit still and you use this word to anchor yourself, and whenever you find your mind wandering you use the word to come back to being still. It is quite simple but very effective way of praying.
For some it will not feel like prayer – it lacks words, it lacks petitions, it lacks everything. But this is a deep prayer – it asks you to believe that Jesus is in your heart, that the Holy Spirit really does pray through you with deep sighs, and that it may be better if you just let that deep prayer arise without all the noise and activity from your mind and from your lips.
How does this link? With Lectio you will be grounding your prayer in two things – in the Word of God, and on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Is it better? Not really. But being able to let the Holy Spirit give you a word has two advantages: it guards you from thinking your word is a sacred mantra of some sort (it isn't); and it allows you to begin a relationship, a conversation, with the Holy Spirit.
So, as you worked through the first three stages you are left with a clear impression form the text, can you get it down to one word? Maybe one of the words of the text, or perhaps the Spirit gave you a word which sums up this passage? Use that.
What do you do, you sit, as we have been sitting, and you allow your mind to be filled with the word, with the image, so that all other thoughts are either silenced or they chime in harmoniously, adding and deepening your awe at the depth of the Word of God.
This is not really about having a vacuum in your mind – that is not the point. The point is the opposite – it is to be filled with God. So filled that you don't really have “your” thoughts, “your” anything. It is just God.
Let me repeat my word of caution: prayer is not about feelings. It is not about ideas. It is about trusting – trusting that God is faithful to His word, that He lives in your heart of hearts, and that he will accomplish what he set out to accomplish.
You just rest with full trust.
"To get the full flavor of an herb, it must be pressed between the fingers, so it is the same with the Scriptures; the more familiar they become, the more they reveal their hidden treasures and yield their indescribable riches." (St. John Chrysostom, 370s)
"Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ." (St. Jerome, 400s)
"The New Testament lies hidden in the Old and the Old Testament is unveiled in the New.” (St. Augustine, 400s)
"All troubles of the Church, all the evils in the world, flow from this source: that men do not by clear and sound knowledge and serious consideration penetrate into the truths of Sacred Scripture." (St. Teresa of Avila, 1500s)
The early centrality of reading of Sacred Scripture, and then meditating and praying over its meaning, is evident in the 48th chapter of the Rule of St. Benedict (400s).
But it was an 11th c. Carthusian prior named Guigo 1 who formalized Lectio Divina, describing the method in a letter written to a fellow religious. This letter, which has become known as Scala Paradisi (you can find it here) describes a 4-stepped ladder to Heaven. Those steps, and Guigo's brief descriptions of them, are:
lectio (reading): "looking on Holy Scripture with all one's will and wit"
meditatio (meditation): "a studious in-searching with the mind to know what was before concealed through desiring proper skill"
oratio (prayer): "a devout desiring of the heart to get what is good and avoid what is evil"
contemplatio (contemplation): "the lifting up of the heart to God tasting somewhat of the heavenly sweetness and savor"
Guigo then sums up the process with a nice little soundbyte: “Reading seeks, meditation finds, prayer asks, contemplation feels.”
If I had to sum up the process of Lectio I would say that it teaches you to listen.
Listen! In a sense, forget what you think about, all your great ideas. Just listen. If you do this properly you will reach a point where the presence of God is obvious. When you feel God present – STOP! Be very very still. This is a moment at the top of Mount Tabor – Christ is Transfigured – don't be like Peter and being talking! You are before the Beloved of God, “listen to Him!”
A word of caution: Lectio (and all prayer) is not about feelings. You may get some amazing feelings of awe and wonder. Or you may get nothing. or you may get feelings of fear or sorrow. But prayer (and lectio) are not about feelings. It is not about ideas either – you may get a good idea, or you may get nothing and fall asleep. Or you may get confused and frustrated. It is not about ideas.
If it is not about feelings, and not about thinking, what is it? It is about trusting – trusting that God is faithful to His word, that He lives in your heart of hearts, and that he will accomplish what he set out to accomplish. That is prayer.
Step 1: Lectio
This is the most familiar for us all, so I do not need to spend much time on this. Instead let us practice. We will read from the Gospel of Mark. The passage for our session today will be Mark 1:40-45. So, for the first step of this, I want you to take about 15-20 minutes and learn about the book we are about to read, Mark, and about this opening chapter. Read the whole of chapter one and perhaps some of Chapter 2. Get a good feel for the passage, where it falls. Also look for how many people are in the scene, where does it take place. Do an inventory. become familiar with it. Also have a look at any of the cross-references for our particular passage – see if the scene happens in any other of the synoptic Gospels (Lk 5:17-26, Mt. 8:2-4). Any links to the OT? For those of us who know Mark better, then the challenge is to find something new – but it is there – just dig a little.
Step 2: Meditatio
Now we begin to go a little deeper. Now that you feel pretty familiar with what we are about to meditate on, and you have some idea of the context, and the overall place of the scene in the story, now we begin to meditate. What you will try to do is to bring this passage into your life, into your heart. This is the Living Word of God you have just read, so take, eat – it is good stuff.
One of the things you will do is to try to memorize the passage. Just repeat it to yourself until you can quote it, maybe not verbatim, but at least a very close paraphrase. Try to close your eyes and repeat the passage, replay the events. At the same time ask the Holy Spirit some questions:
What is this that I have just read like? Where have I seen some(thing/one) like that before?
As you think of the passage, try to come up with some adjectives to describe the scene, the person(s). Compare your words to the text – how does it match?
See if the Holy Spirit leads you to any other portion of Scripture, esp. the OT which shadows this. Or perhaps something in the Epistles? Look at the contexts – how are they different or the same?
This requires more attention than the informational reading we have just done. This is formational so it goes deeper.
We will now read the passage three times (organize readers) with 5 minutes silence in-between. Everyone listen very carefully, and try to repeat it to themselves. No peeking in your own Bible – let the reader read. After they are done, you can compare with your version. But try to do this quietly and without distracting the others (sitting arrangement).
Take notes if you wish, but try to keep them simple – this is not study anymore. You are to listen and absorb.
Step 3: Oratio
Ok – this gets even deeper. We will again read it three times. You try to get deeper into the message which is embedded in the passage by turning it into a prayer. That is, let the Holy Spirit suggest something in your life that this passage can serve as an example to pray. For example, the obvious thing here is that it is a request for healing, so you can remember this passage and say something like “Jesus you are always willing to heal, I raise up for you my illness, and I too will share the story of your healing with everyone.” Or something like that.
Step 4: Contemplatio
The final step is the easiest. You just rest in God. But it is very very hard to not-do something. So we need a way to stay put. One way is to adapt the method of Centering Prayer.
Centering Prayer is a method of praying which is the “other side” of Lectio. The two go together, the two should go together. Briefly, in Centering Prayer you have a word, a sacred word, something like “Jesus”, or “Love”. You sit still and you use this word to anchor yourself, and whenever you find your mind wandering you use the word to come back to being still. It is quite simple but very effective way of praying.
For some it will not feel like prayer – it lacks words, it lacks petitions, it lacks everything. But this is a deep prayer – it asks you to believe that Jesus is in your heart, that the Holy Spirit really does pray through you with deep sighs, and that it may be better if you just let that deep prayer arise without all the noise and activity from your mind and from your lips.
How does this link? With Lectio you will be grounding your prayer in two things – in the Word of God, and on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Is it better? Not really. But being able to let the Holy Spirit give you a word has two advantages: it guards you from thinking your word is a sacred mantra of some sort (it isn't); and it allows you to begin a relationship, a conversation, with the Holy Spirit.
So, as you worked through the first three stages you are left with a clear impression form the text, can you get it down to one word? Maybe one of the words of the text, or perhaps the Spirit gave you a word which sums up this passage? Use that.
What do you do, you sit, as we have been sitting, and you allow your mind to be filled with the word, with the image, so that all other thoughts are either silenced or they chime in harmoniously, adding and deepening your awe at the depth of the Word of God.
This is not really about having a vacuum in your mind – that is not the point. The point is the opposite – it is to be filled with God. So filled that you don't really have “your” thoughts, “your” anything. It is just God.
Let me repeat my word of caution: prayer is not about feelings. It is not about ideas. It is about trusting – trusting that God is faithful to His word, that He lives in your heart of hearts, and that he will accomplish what he set out to accomplish.
You just rest with full trust.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Here I am, I have come to do your will.
One of the interesting things about leading a life consecrated to this incredible mystery called Jesus Christ is the possibility of attaining deep joyous peace in this life, in the middle of all the bustle and activity of life.
In Hebrews 10 there is a most interesting comparison between the work of the "earthly" priest and the Heavenly one, that is Jesus. One of the points that attracts my attention is in verse 11 "Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins."
Do I not also do this? Do I not also again and again return to God with the same confession? The same litanies, the same laundry list of sins? But, if I truly believe that "where these [sins] have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary." (v 18) If I truly believe that "by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy," (v. 14) and "since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water." (vv. 19-22)
If these two things are true, and they are, then once I truly confess my sin(s) - the Blood of Jesus covers that. There is nothing else that needs to be done. I confess it, Jesus covers it. Done.
But why do I return to it? Multiple reasons. First, I do not really believe in it. Secondly, I think that repeating the sin requires that I re-repent. Thirdly, I am unwilling to give up the sin.
The lack of belief is quite true. I constantly forget that I am to live in hope by faith. This is akin to the disciples falling asleep while Jesus keeps praying. I just cannot keep my eyes open long enough. The issue of sleepiness will be dealt with some other time.
The second point is more directly related to the Epistle to the Hebrews - if I accept that a sacrifice done once 2,000 years ago has no 'expiration date' then I have to understand that my sin committed 2,000 years after the sacrifice is also without 'exp. date'. I mean by this that the sacrifice of Jesus collapses our normal understanding of cause-effect and the flow of time. When God died on the Cross, it was like all of space-time being sucked into a black hole. The very fabric of Creation was ripped apart, like the veil at the Temple. This means that sin, any sin at any time, is brought to that moment. It is as if sin flies there, or is attracted like iron filings to a magnet. My sin today is cleared back on Cavalry.
Grasp that thought for a second and it will become clear why it is not necessary to ask forgiveness for a sin twice.
Still, I may be unwilling to stop sinning, the pleasure it gives me is such that it creates what in psychology we call 'projection bias' - this is a way we project into the future the very same feelings which we have now - coupled with 'empathy gap' which means an incapacity to empathize with our future selves. Together these brain tricks almost guarantee that we are so deeply stuck in our current emotional patterns that we are unable to truly respond to the moment, we are unable to be free.
This is the prison of sin: it keeps us in a closed loop of limited responses, limited experiences, and limited life. "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God." (vv. 26-27)
Does this mean I must never ask for forgiveness for a sin I already have been absolved of? Au contraire! The process of returning to repent over a recurring sin can be understood as a way to uncover the deeper roots of the sin, a way that God shines a light deeper into my heart so I may see more clearly all the complex set of relationships and energies that coordinate to make me sin. I will keep going over and over these patterns until I am able to surrender each and everyone to God.
Notice that the writer of Hebrews says there is "no sacrifice for sins is left". It is done. You are cleansed. yet you keep going back over and over, repeating the sin, repeating the guilt in your mind. This is a form of existential neurosis!
And what is neurosis? How can we identify it? Here's a short list of some of the symptoms - see if you suffer from more than one of them: anxiety, sadness, acedia (depression), wrath, easy irritability, scrupulosity (over-vigilance or over-zealous concern with rules), impulsivity, compulsivity, sloth, confusion, incapacity to stop unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, obsession, negativity, cynicism....
Jung had a couple of things to say about neurosis. "I have frequently seen people become neurotic when they content themselves with inadequate or wrong answers to the questions of life." (Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections) It is not that we do not ask questions. It is rather that we are content with the first or second answer. But we have to keep going. How many answers do we need to get before we get the Truth? Seven? No! 70 times seven!
Here's a hint: what is the root cause of imprisonment in this very tiny cell which we call life, this limited space where we live and move and have our being? (Limited because we keep repeating the same few actions, the same few words, the same few, so few, thoughts. Hardly a new idea crosses our minds. hardly a new and creative act. We must pray "Lord put a new song in my mouth!") How are we held here? Here's Jung again "[Contemporary man] is blind to the fact that, with all his rationality and efficiency, he is possessed by 'powers' that are beyond his control. His gods and demons have not disappeared at all; they have merely got new names. They keep him on the run with restlessness, vague apprehensions, psychological complications, an insatiable need for pills, alcohol, tobacco, food – and, above all, a large array of neuroses." (Jung, Man and his Symbols)
Remember: "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Eph. 6:12)
Temptation and confession of sins are a great opportunity! Use them well. Stop and think "Here is the same temptation again, and there I go again to commit the same sin." But is it the same one? Or is it a new, deeper facet of the sin? And how deep does this sin go anyway?! Keep looking, keep asking - refrain from sinning and live with the burning and discomfort and the pain, this deep existential agony which is the fundamental fiction of our lives (think about it).
One more thing, allow the mind-heart to be changed by filling it with godly thoughts. In fact allow no thoughts into your mind which are not the Voice of God. Try this exercise: when you feel the temptation coming along, try to hear it as God's Voice calling you to a place of purgation, of cleansing. And this does not have to be something to do with sin directly. For example, if you are given to bouts of profound loneliness bordering on depression, try to imagine this loneliness as God calling you to be alone with Him and to experience a small part of Jesus' Passion, in this case the difficult prayer at the Mount of Olives or perhaps the loneliness of the Eloi cry.
In this scenario, it is not so much that we cannot confess and repent of repeated sin, but rather that we allow God to use the repetition to take us deeper and further, allow the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn away more dross.
Come to the altar boldly. Carry as much of your sin as you can, and leave it there. You may need to make a few more trips to bring it all - how many? Not 7 but 70 x 7...
In Hebrews 10 there is a most interesting comparison between the work of the "earthly" priest and the Heavenly one, that is Jesus. One of the points that attracts my attention is in verse 11 "Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins."
Do I not also do this? Do I not also again and again return to God with the same confession? The same litanies, the same laundry list of sins? But, if I truly believe that "where these [sins] have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary." (v 18) If I truly believe that "by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy," (v. 14) and "since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water." (vv. 19-22)
If these two things are true, and they are, then once I truly confess my sin(s) - the Blood of Jesus covers that. There is nothing else that needs to be done. I confess it, Jesus covers it. Done.
But why do I return to it? Multiple reasons. First, I do not really believe in it. Secondly, I think that repeating the sin requires that I re-repent. Thirdly, I am unwilling to give up the sin.
The lack of belief is quite true. I constantly forget that I am to live in hope by faith. This is akin to the disciples falling asleep while Jesus keeps praying. I just cannot keep my eyes open long enough. The issue of sleepiness will be dealt with some other time.
The second point is more directly related to the Epistle to the Hebrews - if I accept that a sacrifice done once 2,000 years ago has no 'expiration date' then I have to understand that my sin committed 2,000 years after the sacrifice is also without 'exp. date'. I mean by this that the sacrifice of Jesus collapses our normal understanding of cause-effect and the flow of time. When God died on the Cross, it was like all of space-time being sucked into a black hole. The very fabric of Creation was ripped apart, like the veil at the Temple. This means that sin, any sin at any time, is brought to that moment. It is as if sin flies there, or is attracted like iron filings to a magnet. My sin today is cleared back on Cavalry.
Grasp that thought for a second and it will become clear why it is not necessary to ask forgiveness for a sin twice.
Still, I may be unwilling to stop sinning, the pleasure it gives me is such that it creates what in psychology we call 'projection bias' - this is a way we project into the future the very same feelings which we have now - coupled with 'empathy gap' which means an incapacity to empathize with our future selves. Together these brain tricks almost guarantee that we are so deeply stuck in our current emotional patterns that we are unable to truly respond to the moment, we are unable to be free.
This is the prison of sin: it keeps us in a closed loop of limited responses, limited experiences, and limited life. "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God." (vv. 26-27)
Does this mean I must never ask for forgiveness for a sin I already have been absolved of? Au contraire! The process of returning to repent over a recurring sin can be understood as a way to uncover the deeper roots of the sin, a way that God shines a light deeper into my heart so I may see more clearly all the complex set of relationships and energies that coordinate to make me sin. I will keep going over and over these patterns until I am able to surrender each and everyone to God.
Notice that the writer of Hebrews says there is "no sacrifice for sins is left". It is done. You are cleansed. yet you keep going back over and over, repeating the sin, repeating the guilt in your mind. This is a form of existential neurosis!
And what is neurosis? How can we identify it? Here's a short list of some of the symptoms - see if you suffer from more than one of them: anxiety, sadness, acedia (depression), wrath, easy irritability, scrupulosity (over-vigilance or over-zealous concern with rules), impulsivity, compulsivity, sloth, confusion, incapacity to stop unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, obsession, negativity, cynicism....
Jung had a couple of things to say about neurosis. "I have frequently seen people become neurotic when they content themselves with inadequate or wrong answers to the questions of life." (Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections) It is not that we do not ask questions. It is rather that we are content with the first or second answer. But we have to keep going. How many answers do we need to get before we get the Truth? Seven? No! 70 times seven!
Here's a hint: what is the root cause of imprisonment in this very tiny cell which we call life, this limited space where we live and move and have our being? (Limited because we keep repeating the same few actions, the same few words, the same few, so few, thoughts. Hardly a new idea crosses our minds. hardly a new and creative act. We must pray "Lord put a new song in my mouth!") How are we held here? Here's Jung again "[Contemporary man] is blind to the fact that, with all his rationality and efficiency, he is possessed by 'powers' that are beyond his control. His gods and demons have not disappeared at all; they have merely got new names. They keep him on the run with restlessness, vague apprehensions, psychological complications, an insatiable need for pills, alcohol, tobacco, food – and, above all, a large array of neuroses." (Jung, Man and his Symbols)
Remember: "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Eph. 6:12)
Temptation and confession of sins are a great opportunity! Use them well. Stop and think "Here is the same temptation again, and there I go again to commit the same sin." But is it the same one? Or is it a new, deeper facet of the sin? And how deep does this sin go anyway?! Keep looking, keep asking - refrain from sinning and live with the burning and discomfort and the pain, this deep existential agony which is the fundamental fiction of our lives (think about it).
One more thing, allow the mind-heart to be changed by filling it with godly thoughts. In fact allow no thoughts into your mind which are not the Voice of God. Try this exercise: when you feel the temptation coming along, try to hear it as God's Voice calling you to a place of purgation, of cleansing. And this does not have to be something to do with sin directly. For example, if you are given to bouts of profound loneliness bordering on depression, try to imagine this loneliness as God calling you to be alone with Him and to experience a small part of Jesus' Passion, in this case the difficult prayer at the Mount of Olives or perhaps the loneliness of the Eloi cry.
In this scenario, it is not so much that we cannot confess and repent of repeated sin, but rather that we allow God to use the repetition to take us deeper and further, allow the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn away more dross.
Come to the altar boldly. Carry as much of your sin as you can, and leave it there. You may need to make a few more trips to bring it all - how many? Not 7 but 70 x 7...
Thursday, May 1, 2008
The 10 Joys
One of the things about the 10 Commandments is how they demand a response. It is very difficult to stand before them and not feel something. For some they are clearly a paternalistic, negative, vengeful and bullying God who likes to boss puny mortals around. These people, be they Christians or not, are really one step away (if that much) from paganism. Hellenic mythology, like all other mythologies is full of anthropomorphic gods who clearly enjoyed manipulating mere mortals. They were petty, jealous and vindictive. For these people the 10 Commandments are some sort of punishment exacted by Tantalus - making us some sort of Sisyphus.
Another type of folk can see a little more into them. They may take comfort in Jesus's summary of the Law and Prophets (love God, love you neighbor) and they look with gratefulness at Jesus for removing the burden of the Law from them. There is plenty in Paul's epistles to justify this sort of thinking. And i would say the great majority of sincere Christians are falling in this camp.
I would like to suggest a further way of reading them - I have emphasized this before, but it is beneficial for myself to repeat it. The 10 Commandments must be read and interpreted through the lens of Love - capital L.
But let us differentiate this approach from the second approach outlined above. This is not a way of substituting what is hard and harsh in the Law with a (supposedly) easier and vaguer one.
My thrust here, as with all things, is to approach it from an experiential angle. how do I live out the Commandments? How do I live out the Gospel? Someone told me to look at the Commandments as a mirror: if you are a saint you will live out the Commandments from inside out, as it were - your heart will harbor no greed, no thoughts of anger, you will honor not only biological father and mother, but you will take Jesus' word and honor all who strive to live out the Gospel as your fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers. And so on.
A nice way to begin working the Commandments into your daily life is to change the wording a little. The original reads (Ex. 20:1-17):
1 And God spoke all these words:
2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
3 "You shall have no other gods before me.
4 "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
13 "You shall not murder.
14 "You shall not commit adultery.
15 "You shall not steal.
16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
And then change the commandments starting in verse 3 into:
1. It is my joy to have no gods but God.
2. It is my joy to worship God by beholding Him directly.
3. It is my joy to honor the sanctity of speech, through which God created all.
4. It is my joy after 6 days of toil to rest in the arms of Yahweh.
5. It is my joy and privilege to honor my fathers and mothers.
6. It is my joy to respect the sanctity of all life.
7. It is my joy to help my neighbors uphold their vows.
8. It is my joy to help my neighbors protect what they consider valuable.
9. It is my joy to let my 'yes' mean 'yes' and my 'no' mean 'no'.
10. It is my joy to need nothing beyond what God has generously provided me.
So - a monastic lifestyle is a joyous one, and it is concerned with searching out the joy (and peace and love, of course) in all things and people and situations.
And you thought the 10 Comandments were hard! Hah! Try rolling this one up the hills of your daily life:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt. 22:37-40)
Another type of folk can see a little more into them. They may take comfort in Jesus's summary of the Law and Prophets (love God, love you neighbor) and they look with gratefulness at Jesus for removing the burden of the Law from them. There is plenty in Paul's epistles to justify this sort of thinking. And i would say the great majority of sincere Christians are falling in this camp.
I would like to suggest a further way of reading them - I have emphasized this before, but it is beneficial for myself to repeat it. The 10 Commandments must be read and interpreted through the lens of Love - capital L.
But let us differentiate this approach from the second approach outlined above. This is not a way of substituting what is hard and harsh in the Law with a (supposedly) easier and vaguer one.
My thrust here, as with all things, is to approach it from an experiential angle. how do I live out the Commandments? How do I live out the Gospel? Someone told me to look at the Commandments as a mirror: if you are a saint you will live out the Commandments from inside out, as it were - your heart will harbor no greed, no thoughts of anger, you will honor not only biological father and mother, but you will take Jesus' word and honor all who strive to live out the Gospel as your fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers. And so on.
A nice way to begin working the Commandments into your daily life is to change the wording a little. The original reads (Ex. 20:1-17):
1 And God spoke all these words:
2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
3 "You shall have no other gods before me.
4 "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.
7 "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
13 "You shall not murder.
14 "You shall not commit adultery.
15 "You shall not steal.
16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
And then change the commandments starting in verse 3 into:
1. It is my joy to have no gods but God.
2. It is my joy to worship God by beholding Him directly.
3. It is my joy to honor the sanctity of speech, through which God created all.
4. It is my joy after 6 days of toil to rest in the arms of Yahweh.
5. It is my joy and privilege to honor my fathers and mothers.
6. It is my joy to respect the sanctity of all life.
7. It is my joy to help my neighbors uphold their vows.
8. It is my joy to help my neighbors protect what they consider valuable.
9. It is my joy to let my 'yes' mean 'yes' and my 'no' mean 'no'.
10. It is my joy to need nothing beyond what God has generously provided me.
So - a monastic lifestyle is a joyous one, and it is concerned with searching out the joy (and peace and love, of course) in all things and people and situations.
And you thought the 10 Comandments were hard! Hah! Try rolling this one up the hills of your daily life:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt. 22:37-40)
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